Restore Your Sparkle

Navigating Postpartum, Grief, and the Search for God

Hi everyone, and welcome to Restore Your Sparkle! I'm so glad you're here. This space is something I've been dreaming about for a while – a place where we can connect, share our struggles, and hopefully, find a little bit of light in the midst of the chaos that is motherhood (and life!).

The Meaning Behind "Restore Your Sparkle":

The name of this blog, "Restore Your Sparkle," holds a very special meaning for me. "Restore" speaks to the journey I'm on, the process of finding my way back to God. Like many, I've experienced doubt, grief, resentment, and the overwhelming challenges of postpartum. "Restore" represents the work of healing, of mending the broken places within myself, and rediscovering my faith.

"Sparkle" is a tribute to my beautiful niece, Athena Strand. Her light, her love, and her innocent trust were tragically taken from us far too soon. On November 30th, 2022, a Fed-Ex driver, entrusted with delivering Christmas joy, instead chose to commit a horrific act of violence, stealing Athena's precious life. She was only seven years old. Athena was one of the most loving and trusting little girls to ever walk this earth. Her sparkle, her joy, her very essence, was snuffed out in an instant.

This blog is my way of keeping Athena's memory alive. It's my way of "Sparkling like Athena" by spreading love, compassion, and hope in the world. It's a reminder that even in the darkest of times, even after the most devastating losses, we can still find the strength to shine.

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I hit rock bottom; I was drowning in a self-imposed limbo. I had isolated myself, withdrawing from everything except work. I didn't realize—or maybe just didn't want to admit—how much my mental health was suffering. Past traumas resurfaced, and I had no support. My husband was there, but I didn't tell him I needed help. I made excuses in my head—my family lived far away, I had no close friends, and everyone had their own problems. I had to reach my breaking point before seeking a supportive community. I thought I was holding it together despite the isolation, the grief over my niece's murder, the struggles with IVF and pregnancy, and t\e postpartum depression I refused to acknowledge.

Resigning from my teaching job had been devastating; it had been my sole focus and distraction. Suddenly, I had nothing but time and the growing life inside me. My husband's coworker's wife was three weeks behind me in her pregnancy, and my husband suggested I get in touch with her. I was desperate for connection, especially after being put on bed rest at six weeks to avoid a miscarriage, so I pushed past my anxiety and reached out. I felt alone and needed a community. I needed God.

I hadn't prayed in a long time, but I turned to God when my seven-year-old niece, Athena, went missing. When we found out she had been murdered, I stopped praying. I resented God. I couldn't understand why He didn't work a miracle for her. I turned away from Him, even though I knew I needed Him. I'm still working through that. I prayed for my baby, Ruby, when I was six weeks pregnant and thought I was having a miscarriage. I had to quit my job to avoid stress. I prayed for God to show me my purpose. I had always thought teaching was my calling, but now I no longer have that. Motherhood was a new purpose, but what about beyond that? Wasn't I meant for more? Society puts a lot of pressure on women to be successful at work and be perfect moms. Even though we know it's impossible to do both perfectly, it's hard to ignore these expectations because they're so ingrained in us.

I started reaching out to other women, even those I barely knew, for support. I joined an amazing organization called MumLife. I was so anxious about going to my first session that I thought I would throw up. I had a hard cry in the bathroom and got comfort from women I hadn't even met yet. I nursed Ruby and went back to the session. I was determined to face the discomfort and build the connections I needed. This is a weakness of mine—avoiding the unknown to avoid anxiety—but it also means I miss out on new experiences and growth.

So I asked for help. I reached out to the wives of my husband's coworkers, my sisters-in-law (even though they live far away), my neighbors, and the women I met through MumLife. This is an ongoing journey, but I hope that by being open and putting in the effort, I can build a strong community for myself and be part of a supportive community for others.

Building Bridges of Support

In our journey of faith and life, we are not meant to walk alone. The power of community is a beautiful reflection of God’s love, a network of support that strengthens us in times of joy and hardship. Why is building community so vital? Because we are designed for connection. When we share our burdens and celebrate our victories, we experience the fullness of life. We find encouragement, accountability, and a sense of belonging that reminds us we are part of something greater than ourselves. When we ask, seek, and knock with the intention of building community, doors will open, and we will find the support we need.

Especially for mothers, the need for community is profound. Motherhood can be a challenging yet rewarding journey, and having a supportive network can make all the difference. In a world that often feels isolating, mothers need a safe space to share their experiences, seek advice, and find understanding. The weight of raising children is lighter when shared, and the joys are magnified when celebrated together. This is where the power of support truly shines.

Let us be the mothers who reach out, who offer a helping hand before the overwhelming tides rise. Let us be the ones who see a fellow mother struggling and offer a listening ear or a practical act of kindness. This requires vulnerability and courage, but remember, asking for help is not a weakness; it is a strength. It is an acknowledgment of our human need for connection and a demonstration of faith in the community God has provided. By offering support, we not only uplift others but also create a ripple effect of compassion that strengthens the entire community.

"Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you." - Matthew 7:7-8 (NIV)

Today, consider reaching out to someone in your community. Offer a word of encouragement, a helping hand, or simply your presence. If you are in need of support, take the step of asking. Remember, every act of connection builds a stronger bridge of community.

Dear Heavenly Father,

Thank you for the gift of community. Help us to see the importance of building bridges of support and connection. Give us the courage to reach out to others and to ask for help when we need it. Fill our hearts with compassion and guide us to be a source of strength and encouragement to those around us. In your loving name, we pray.

Amen.

Budget-Friendly Activities with an Infant:

• At Home: "Sensory Scarf Play": Gather a few soft, colorful scarves (or even clean dishcloths). Gently wave them in front of your infant, let them feel the different textures, or play peek-a-boo. This simple activity stimulates their senses and provides a fun bonding experience with minimal cost.

• Outside the Home: "Neighborhood Stroll": Bundle up your infant (weather permitting) and take a leisurely walk around your neighborhood. Point out trees, birds, and other sights and sounds. The fresh air and change of scenery can be refreshing for both you and your baby, and it is a great way to meet other parents in your neighborhood.

Easy and Time-Efficient Family Meal:

• "Sheet Pan Chicken and Veggies": Preheat your oven to 400°F (200°C). Toss chopped chicken breast, broccoli florets, and sliced bell peppers with olive oil, salt, pepper, and your favorite herbs. Spread everything on a sheet pan and bake for 20-25 minutes, or until the chicken is cooked through and the vegetables are tender. Minimal cleanup and a healthy meal!

For Mom's Well-being:

• "Mindful Moments Journal": A journal to jot down thoughts, feelings, and gratitude can be a powerful tool for stress relief and self-reflection.

• "Essential Oil Diffuser": Create a calming atmosphere at home with an essential oil diffuser and relaxing scents like lavender or chamomile.

• "Subscription Box for Self-Care": Many subscription boxes deliver self-care items right to your door. This can be a very helpful way to remind yourself to take time for yourself.

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